Sweet Dreams: 2012

Hey Girls,

I have another story I have written for you, it's called Shimmer.

It's a little bit darker than my usual works, but tell me what you think, I'm looking for readership if anyone's interested. :)

Let me know what you think, it's a long chapter. Lol

COARSE LANGUAGE/SEXUAL REFERENCES/DRUG/ALCOHOL USE.

I try not to swear too much generally, but some of it is needed.

Sorry in advance girls. :)

Here we go!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

***
She had been dangling from the edge for quite some time. No self help book or course would help her now, and she had known that for so long. So when she had sat in the bar which it’s overpowering smoke and vacant stares, she had decided to drown the last of her vodka shot.

It was stupid really, one too many anti-depressant pills with vodka, how stupid could Claire get? No one knew what she was planning on doing, a snide smile had planted on her lips when she had thought about how angry her ex-boyfriend, Chase had been the last time he caught her doing something just as stupid.

~*~*~*~*
It had been a long night and the warm summer night seemed perfect to Claire. So, a swim was in order for her. It didn’t matter it was pitch black outside, it didn’t matter the mint green bridge with its crossed off sign and its clearly dangerous railing stuck out to her like a flashing light.

She had to climb it and jump off into the cool, icy water alone. Just for a thrill. The thought of the cold water sparking her in a way fire set paper alight set off fireworks in her brain. So even though she was attending a party at the time- one that Chase has specifically asked her to attend just for fun- she was still going to jump the bridge.

Everything was perfect, she had eaten enough cake provided to celebrate his further studying in September, but it was only January and the cool crisp air was calling to her. Claire had more than few drinks at this point and one two many coronas with her medication spelled trouble clearly.

But, she didn’t care she liked being dangerous and living on the edge, she didn’t care about wrecking her ‘barely there makeup look’, she just didn’t. She stupidly left her things behind. Her black handbag and matching cardigan was left at the foot of a barstool and Chase had happened to find it.

~*~*~*~*~*
Light summer rain danced on all parts of Claire’s exposed skin from her backless dress as she skirted the ‘DO NOT CROSS’ sign and started climbing up and over the rails of the bridge. The water had crashed below, brilliant white and blue and she smelt the crisp air like it was cigarette smoke. She was now over the bridge but hanging by the railing and as he hands began to get slippery, she was getting ready to jump into the frigid water.

She couldn’t wait to feel its ice against her pale skin. But, of course Chase who was concerned after she had disappeared without a trace -leaving her handbag and cardigan behind which she would never normally do. She almost always carried her bag and belonging with her and kept them close to heart because of her materialist obsession.

So, when Chase had found them, he had somehow knew where she had gone, he didn’t want to believe it, but he knew somehow. Claire had warned him months ago that sometimes she was reckless and stupid for no reason and that was one of the reasons they broke up. But, clearly because of that reason, Claire just used it as more of an excuse to attention seek. In the past he had caught her playing with knives in the kitchen, not juggling them but rather eyeing them suspiciously just to get a rise out of him.

Chase grew tired of having to watch his girlfriend eyeing suspicious house-hold items just as rat-poision, dishing washing liquid and matches, so he had calmly told her it was over. She didn’t even cry, in fact she laughed hysterically. She knew she could do whatever she wanted to do now. She could string him along as much as she wanted. But the thing was as angry as he got, he was didn’t bullshit her.

This time when he caught her he was going to give her a piece of his mind. It was pitch black, but there was no mistaking the dark haired girl swinging from the bridge that while may not be high was clearly blocked off for a reason.

~*~*~*
The water below was black as night and Claire imagined as cold as ice. She had almost, almost jumped but there was a terrible tapping of someone’s black dress shoes coming up behind her. Chase was running right towards the bridge his heart in his throat. He didn’t know if he was more angry or upset with what this girl was doing to her. He still loved her despite her erratic personality. Of course he did, he was more than certain of that.

But when he found her yet again tempting fate his resolve on staying calm had completely disappeared.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He spat angrily when he reached the bridge and looked down at the girl who he knew well with a big smile on her face. She loved doing this to him and there was nothing he could do about it. She held all the cards, she always did.

“Get the fuck back over here. Now.” He growled his eyes slicing into Claire’s bright chocolate ones.

“No.” She said softly her smile not matching her voice in anyway. She wasn’t happy she was sad underneath that smile.

“Are you fucking crazy?!” Chase’s voice was lower than she had ever heard it. Scowling her spoke directly to her and tried not to make a bigger scene than what she had already began.

“Get back over here now.”

“Can’t.” She responded looking up at him expectedly. He knew what was coming. He held her back over and she would run off again into the night and he would wind up having to call one of her friends to take her home. But tonight Chase wasn’t having it. Instead he turned his back on her and smiled just devilishly.

“You know what?” He said menacingly his voice dripping venom. “You can stay there.” He jabbed his finger at the water, a look a thousand times over disgust on his face. “You wanna jump, then fucking jump then.”

He waited even though he was horrified she was actually going to do it. But, instead of all the other times a look of despair was on her face and the expectant look was still there.

“Help me.” She said softly. Chase nodded forgetting his anger and offered his hands to Claire who was now quivering and barely being able to keep holding on.

“Here.” He said softly and with that he gripped Claire’s hand tight and pulled her back and over the railing. Once she was over Claire fell into Chase’s arms and sobbed brokenly.

“Please, help me.” She quivered her voice shaking as a warm breeze rippled around them both. Chase nodded and spoke softly.

“Shhh.” He soothed running his hands through Clare’s dark hair. “Everything is going to be okay. Don’t cry, we’re going to get you some help alright?”

~*~*~*~*
And he had kept to his word; she was booked into see a psychologist and psychiatrist who diagnosed her with obsessive compulsive disorder, suicidal tendencies, anxiety and attention seeking. She had been told to stay on her medication and to stay away from bridges, attention seeking and alcohol. But oh there was no way she listened. So the next thing she knew she was told to stay with Chase. He was the only one who talked sense into her.

But this time she had gone too far. She had downed six pills with the vodka. She had taken her arranged dose as planned but then decided that while Chase was away she would find something to do. She had found herself talking to strangers inside a seedy bar miles away from Chase’s apartment. At first she had approached with caution, watching her supposed triggers that set her off.

Alcohol was one. She had decided to stay away from that, but when she sat at the bar stool she felt at home. The barman had politely asked her what she would like and she decided she wanted to feel warmth of port and the burn of Vodka. He had set up one of each in a shot-glass as she politely asked.

She eyed them suspiciously really considering her options and then without thinking another moment downed the port and then the Vodka with a handful of pills. They had looked like beer-buts or peanuts from the red bowls that were set on each table but there was someone watching her who knew better.

Six foot three, dark almost wavy hair, deep blue eyes, he was watching her from the bar unbeknown to Claire who was being a right fool at this moment. He was dressed in a deep navy blue t-shirt and dark jeans, and he had been watching her for the last half an hour.

His first thought was ‘why such a pretty girl was all alone’? His second though was ‘what is she doing drinking by herself’? And his third was ‘what did she just take’?

He didn’t know these answers and they were killing him. He was never shy enough to say how he really felt and this was one of the times his curiosity got the better of him.

Claire sat frozen staring into space as she felt the alcohol churn in her stomach creating a hot wave of nausea to offset. The stranger walked briskly to the young girl or woman just as a look of pain crossed her face. Now concerned, he sat on the stool next to her and tried to act casual despite the nervousness eating him away.

He considered her for a moment, perhaps she was sixteen years of age maybe even eighteen, whatever the age she was she was looking seriously messed up.

“Hey,” He said softly. “Are you alright?”

The girl didn’t answer instead she flashed a bright smile at the stranger despite the fiery bile forming in her throat.

“Fine.” She responded softly. They sat in silence and the stranger watched Claire who was beginning to shake really hard. Her breathing began to catch in her throat and her palms sweat like nothing else.

He wanted to repeat himself, but he didn’t. Instead he searched her brown eyes and spoke directly to her in a low, deep voice.

“I saw you take something.” He whispered icily. “You should know better than that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” She said shaking harder. “I…I…fine….”

The stranger shook his head his dark eyes glowing from the dim lighting in the dank bar.

“Don’t lie.” He said his tone still cold. “I saw you.”

“…I’m…I’m…” She shook her teeth chattering as hot sticky sweat seeped down her back. Her eyes began to flutter open and then closed despite how hard she tried to keep them open. Alarmed the stranger placed both his hands on the sides of her face and spoke to her again.

“Tell me what you took.” He repeated with more urgency. “Tell me, or you’re going to die here, now.”

“Anti…anti…”

“Anti depressants? Jesus Christ.” He swore his voice low. “You are so stupid.”

She felt all feeling leave her as she began to crash completely into oblivion. She thought he was going to walk away and leave her in peace, but he didn’t. Instead he stood up, picked her up into his arms and ran away with her. She had never felt anyone move as a fast as he did. She didn’t even have his name but he was literally running her to the hospital.

Claire swore buildings rushed past her in literal seconds and that she was flying and sailing through the air. But she couldn’t be sure as she was beginning to tune out completely.

“We’re almost there.” The stranger spoke softly as he seemed to stop in his tracks to check on her. “You need to stay awake and take slow and steady breaths for me.”

His eyes searched Claire’s but they were already beginning to close completely.

“No.” He said annoyed. “No. Stay awake.”

But she couldn’t hear him through the haziness in her mind; no one could if they had done what she had.

*~*~~*~*
Only a shot time later, he reached the doors with a spasming Claire in his arms. She was fitting right in front of him and there was not a thing he could do. The alcohol and medication began to finally come up like a spraying fountain and the stranger couldn’t look away as the delirious girl’s hair was held back while she vomited into a bucket.

Doctors from all over swarmed in checking her vitals, her heat, her breathing, her eyes but she was continuing to spasm regardless. The stranger took a seat running one his large hands through his dark mop distressed.

Hadn’t he planned to have one quick drink and then head home? So why in God’s name was in a hospital?

He didn’t know why his plans had turned out this way, but he knew he couldn’t just leave the girl there to die. She would have if he hadn’t carried her to the hospital. The stranger rang his hand together trying to figure of what he would say to her once she was stable. Would she even make it through the night?

He had to seriously stop with the negativity and get it together; she was going to be fine, somehow.

*~*~*~*~*~*
Claire lay down in the hospital bed fully covered by a thick white blanket, though she was stabilized, she was completely out to her surroundings. She felt presences around her, but she wasn’t alert enough to acknowledge them. But there was something she was holding onto her- the feeling of warm arms embracing her tight as she floated through the air.

She couldn’t mistake the feel from anything else no matter what she did.

She tried to fight through the cobwebs in her head but she couldn’t, no matter what she did she couldn’t.

*~*~*~*

End of almost a full chapter, did you like it? xxx

Hey girls long time no see, literally.

I am hoping I don’t waffle too much in this post but I probably will. :D

I’m sitting at work and I can think about is my weight and how bad my skin is. You know how it is for us girls we bitch and criticize ourselves and then are back to photo whoring all over again. We are funny creature yet we all understand each other.

In that being said, today’s lesson is to keep on going. No matter what life throws at me, I have to keep drinking my water like crazy but it makes me feel good about my weight even when I know its crap. No matter what anyone says I have to continue to dress up and do my nails because that is who I am. Unless, I feel the need to please someone else, which I shouldn’t need to do a twenty years old.

I have a loving boyfriend and family who love me just the way I am.

I shouldn’t change unless I want to. Which I do, I want to lose ten kilos and before everyone says- ‘whoa girl that’s a bit much’. I am not doing it for anyone else; I am doing it for myself. I don’t like my body right now and I continue cramming oreos in my mouth like a mad woman on Friday nights, it’s not going to change.

Likewise, I ignore my blog I won’t get many comments, which I realised might just be fine at the moment. Yes, I have moved house and I deal with my constant hang ups about my weight, life, depression and just stuff in general. But it doesn’t mean I should give up no matter how hard it gets.

In saying that also I know I have to start making myself look and feel like a princess again. Too bad if it’s cold here in oz, it doesn’t matter I have a crapload of scarves and nail polishes. So this is the next step- to find time for me.

To actually write a blog post thoroughly, to take photos if I so wish, to actually finish my stories one by one and post them on fanfiction.net (sweetchiclovessmallville on fanfiction.net).

Not to mention and I have already lost weight once maybe not as much but look at Steph from www.Ifcurvescouldtalk.blogspot.com? She did it, didn’t she?

Yes of course she did! She’s still going and you can follow her journey too. 

But that doesn’t mean I’m posting weight loss picture etc, this just means I want to be a happier me.

So sound off below, I really would like to know what your thoughts are about anything you so wish.